A backpacker, who happened to be an atheist, was hiking through the forest one day. He was overcome by the beauty that surrounded him, and thought to himself, “What majestic trees, and pristine rivers!” Then he came to an expansive meadow and spotted a baby fawn lying in the tall grass, and thought, ”What beautiful creatures!” After walking about half way through the meadow, he spotted a grizzly bear with two cubs at her side. The mama grizzly sniffed the air and started to charge the backpacker, who had no place to hide. Running for his life, the backpacker tripped over a rock, and the bear caught up to him and was standing over the hiker growling and baring its sharp teeth.
At this point, the atheist hiker yelled out, “Please God, Save me!”, and God appeared as a magnificent bright column of light. From the bright light, His voice boomed, "You deny my existence your entire life, and laugh at those who believe in me! You don’t even credit me with the small miracles and beautiful wildlife I have created – they are simply cosmic acci- dents to you". "Do you now expect me to save you from danger?” The atheist looked up into the light and said, "I have never been a Christian and It would be hypocritical of me to ask you to treat me as a follower now. All I ask is that you make the grizzly bear a Christian."
The booming voice replied, “IT IS DONE!” As the hiker lay on the ground looking up at the bear, he saw it lower its head, and then bring both front paws together, as if to pray. Then to the hiker’s amazement, it spoke, ”Lord, bless this food which you have bountifully provided for me and my family, which we are about to eat. Amen.”
An environmentalist dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his book and says, "Ah, I see that in your former life you were an environmentalist – Sorry, but you're in the wrong place - better check downstairs." Thinking that heaven could never make a mistake, the environmentalist reports to the gates of hell and is admitted.
Pretty soon, the environmentalist gets dissatisfied with the extremely hot and unpleasant conditions in hell, and starts implementing eco-friendly improvements. After a while, global warming, air and water pollution are totally eliminated. The environment is covered with green grass and plants, the food is organic and Hell's inhabitants are very happy in the newly created paradise. At this point the environmentalist has become very popular.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone to gloat a little, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" To God’s surprise, Satan replies, "Things could never be better. We've got clean air and water, & the temperature is a refreshing 72 degrees. And the food is just out of this world! There's no telling what our environmentalist is going to fix next."
God replies, "What’s that you say? You've got an environmentalist? That has to be a big mistake. He is obviously one of ours and should never have been sent down there. So send him up immediately!” Satan replies, “No way, Jose, I'm keeping him. Its great having an environmentalist on the staff. Things are so much better down here now."
God says, “If you don’t send him back immediately, I’ll sue!”
To which Satan laughs his head off and replies, “Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”